7 Sunday

Prancing around with boots & a long flowy dress -great Sunday with great friends, though I missed doing some important work with my NGO friends because it was cancelled. I had (and am still having) a wonderful Sunday, though… (Reading poetry, it’s like getting free highs).

Sometimes I think about productivity & what I can do for myself & the people closest to me in order to live a better life, & sometimes I just let it go because there’s just too many things, too little time. What suits me does not necessarily suit others, so at times I feel beaten around for that. Because I choose to do something that I want to do, and not necessarily the right thing, but it’s a definite good thing, it’s a problem for the person next to me. Does it all boil down to morals, or mere traditions pulled out from thin air/doesn’t even exist in the beginning? Does it mean I’m being selfish or immoral? Or does it mean that I should be selfish and immoral because I won’t have another opportunity to do this?

I’ve spent too much energy trying to make someone feel good (though I thought it was also helping me, but it was a shadow), only to get replies like, “Thanks for all your time & energy, but uh, you don’t understand”. I’m tired of writing & never getting a reply. I’m tired of making space, then getting no space for myself.

The only person to be blamed is me, really. Relationships can’t be forced. & now I know. better.

*

Things I’ve learned & love(d) today:

1. When ready, be over it. The problem will solve itself, like my father says. And like the Robinsons say, “Keep moving forward”.

2. Looking at things from a perspective. Ten days later. Ten months later. Ten years… It doesn’t seem so bad, and I probably won’t even remember. Even if I do, it’s not like I can do anything about it anyway.

3. Putting on my best smile & hanging out with my best friends & wiping the tears/fears away. Life is too short.

4. Realizing that I can do what I’ve always wanted to do during a holiday. -But do it now.

5. Going to a learning centre & running until I’m out of breath & seeing someone famous.

6. Being injected with some sparkling inspiration. & putting some of them on my nails.

7. Dreaming about warplanes & the ^T^ruth.

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