Archive for the ‘Love’ Category

Washing Machine of Life: How To Get Out

I’ll be honest with myself & say that I didn’t have much of a holiday during the full 3-week semester break. It wasn’t much fun, with emotions & drama flying around -not like fireflies, but more like fire! & fighting fire with fire does not always work. The beginning of this semester was particularly tough (yes, I say that to myself all the time), but this time was both mentally & physically tiring. I hate the phrase “with every cloud, there’s a silver-lining” -it bothers me because it sounds so ‘half-glass’ -I’d always rather be OUT THERE & confronting the obvious elephant in the room. -It’s not silver. Sometimes it’s plain grey & trying & trying & trying to be better, happy & up-beat becomes counteractive & is ironically a kill-joy. Sometimes I feel like shutting up completely in class where I’m usually chatty, or laughing out loud in the middle of an uptight city. And I do.

Convincingly, you don’t know how you got out of the circling, mundane washing machine of life, but you do & you forget to write it all down because what if (you think to yourself), what IF you fall back into the whole quantitating process? You count the days to pass, you want to get out, but you forget how or the old ways simply don’t work anymore.

Here comes out the random list that I’ve mash together in times of crisis, when we all need to eat is more than a plate full of potatoes:

* do something opposite & upside-down of what you’ve been doing. if you’ve been a social recluse, get out & meet all of your favorite people. -together & all at once. if you’ve been a party animal, tone it down totally. go for a walk, to the bookstore, for lunch in a quiet cafe, by yourself.

* in-grain in your head & repeat to yourself: “health first. no compromise.”

* eat something different. eat your favorite BUT healthy foods.

* caffeine & sweet drinks away. drink tea & water & fresh veg/fruit juice instead. bring a water (not plastic) bottle with you & save some money at the same time.

* take multi-vitamins on days you haven’t been getting enough nutrition. see if there’s a change.

* get enough sleep. just enough sleep. you decide how much.

* have a “me” time everyday.

* when you’re feeling stressed, assess the moment: what makes you stressed & why. take deep breaths. start again.

* be around cool people who get their work done on time. learn from them. learn from you. (someone once told me that the most busiest man has the most time).

* exercise in the funnest ways YOU think is possible. dance to rock music. run at odd hours. frisbee. yoga in the mornings. walk after a meal. stretch when stressed. box or shadow box. kite. play tag.

* write or draw & make crap art in your journal or a piece of paper. don’t think, just do. then bless yourself with compliments!

* do something YOU want to do. for once. just do. instead of “be”, we’re all -like a friend said- becoming.

* get out of your city! go somewhere else for a few days or even a day! take time off & be good to yourself.

* return from your getaway. look at how your getaway experience & everyday life can be fused, creating yourself a magical world of possibilities.

❤ ❤ ❤



Even when it’s hard.
Even when the sky is falling.
Even when they’re yelling.
Even when there’s no beauty, but ugliness is beauty.
I believe in magic.

I believe in magic.
Even when it’s an imitation.
Even when it’s only an effort, not perfection.
Even when we’re all thieves, but we don’t steal time we don’t care for time;
we steal the rich.
I believe in magic.

I believe in magic.
Even when the scars are still seen.
Even when there’s no more respect,
we don’t need respect,
we need to get mad. and we do. and that’s magic.
I believe in magic.

I believe in magic,
even if it’s only my imagination,
even if it’s only a monk winking
and telling me
it’s not.

Don’t stop talking politics

Don’t stop talking politics
although the government got you by your knees
allowing you to beg, allowing you to please
Don’t stop dying your hair in red
though the ministers are hanging
by their toes in golden threads
Don’t stop polluting
the agenda with your snipes
when your head is heavy, holding
someone else’s behind
Don’t stop shooting
with yellow, flowers and speeches
against their acid cleansing, boots
where they will oneday walk in shame
Don’t stop the music of
the people and the war of peace
where ladies and men, as old
as the earth
strut out, walk out, to leave
-to leave the graves of the young
to hold heavy against the skies (light)
that light up for the sinning sun (and tears)
Don’t stop your tears
stop your fears
or the elections will let you done.

This Week + Saturday Love

My prayers to Oslo.
My heart to William Bourdon!

Things I Love This Week:

first week of work ; William Bourdon & wife (fiance?) ; The Pleasures of Slow Food by Corby Kummer ; discovering Zoetica ; hanging out with Aishah by the sea ; bird plaster & pink chipped ; old cameras & new old cameras ; Diana F+ & blackbird & manyothereyebirds ; durian puffs ; “break” ; banana leafs + drizzle + pictures + people ; asylum + amnesty + “help me” + beige ; gala darling’s latest post -an excerpt from her radical ❤ bootcamp which I wish I could geeett! ; the remains of a birthday cake ; words like "wild flowers" "diva" "vendetta" "freedom" & "mist" . . .

* * *

“I Want to be Superwoman!”

Somehow I just can’t totally unpack my birthday box… They make me so happy; little love letters from the world!: scraps of paper, unused & used postcards, unused & used birthday cards, different blue hued pastels, a cardboard part from an Elvis Costello album, black tea with oil of bergamot & lavender from Dina, a small Marilyn Monroe zip-purse, a pink Baskin Robbins spoon, blue heart-shaped post-it notes, white-pink candles, busted balloons by Roselyn, Asna, Syafiq & I, party poppers, Queen Latifah perfume sample, wrapping paper, blue string, a musical box, discount coupons for massages & a rainbow skull pen! Most of the things I packed myself; others were presents/gifts from family & friends.

I start work on Monday & I’ve printed out some things work-related. I’m nervous-excited, though things aren’t as escalated as they can be yet. (Wait for Sunday night!). I’ll be working with a human-rights organization concerning issues I’m passionate about. As the saying goes, “Do what you love; the money will follow” and “Do what you love; you’ll never have to work a day in your life”. There’s a scary thing about it, though… At the back your mind, there’s a little devilish voice that says, “Hehe, wait & see, you silly optimist…”.

"Nobody Loves Me!"

But that’s just a hint of lunacy talking. I know better. After my readings of inspiring blogs & going through volunteer experiences, here are 5 things I’m mustering up for Monday & the sixty or so days ahead:

1. Don’t expect too much, just do & be. It is what it is,… depending on how you look at it & how you want it to be.

2. On good days, smile. On bad days, laugh it off. Good or bad, you always have a home to return to, a comfortable bed to lie on.

3. Remind yourself why you’re here. Remind yourself you have a right to be here.

4. Don’t be afraid to ask if you don’t know. Regardless of what they say, ignorance is not a weakness, and knowledge is not the only strength. There’s passion & experience. Use it.

5. Besides your work, always find time. -To eat, to breathe/take a break, to meet new people, & to say “please & thank you”.

I’ve always believed that people can receive great advice… if only they were to listen to themselves. I don’t like calling anyone a hypocrite (would I like to be called one?), or calling people a contradiction of themselves… Sometimes we tend to be in a bad mood, or down & so we pick on others & say that they’re the cause for us feeling so-and-so. In reality, we do this when we feel like we’re not in ultimate control of things.

I remember someone telling me when I was younger that no one can force you to do anything. So no one can force you to feel sad, or happy, or angry. At the end of the day, we choose what to wear, what to feel, who to be with. So wear it, or donate it. & I believe that if no one should feel the way you’re feeling, then we shouldn’t be the pity party, or play Superman or Superwoman in this either.

Every single day, we grow an hour, a minute, a second older. So I don’t think I’ll empty out my birthday box yet. This ensemble of prettiness lets me celebrate the sunlight, the shadow, the moon, the howling wolf, the crying cat, & all the colourful rainbow creatures in this world & beyond . . .

I don’t want to be Superwoman. I just want to be Super!

Rainbow Birthday

Yesterday was my 23rd birthday & I had a BLAST!

I’m not like those who become depressed because I’m turning a DAY older (aren’t we, everyday?)… In fact, I love wrinkles (I believe that is what makes a gorgeous smile) and grey hair (like Storm!). But I do get a bit frustrated when things don’t turn out quite as planned. Besides friends and family who care about me, I did some digging & found beautiful websites & blogs that help made my day a worthwhile one:

* Gala Darling’s post on How to Have a Freak-Out-Free Birthday

* Jessi’s Rainbow Birthday website. This was her 31st birthday, which was last year. Jessi loves colour & decided to dedicate her birthday with a different colour outfit at every hour of her party!

With a little bit of glitter in my brain & rainbow nail polish on my fingernails, I cooked up the following fun-filled day-before-my-birthday!

* I invited my friends over from Kuala Lumpur. Six of them showed up & one Penang friend!

* Visiting my favourite places on the island with my friends! -A scent-ful secret garden, an Italian restaurant which has home-made pasta & creme brulee, & a little cozy bookstore!

* Dark chocolate custard with mascarpone cheese. I usually make blueberry custard with the cheese, but blueberries weren’t so good that day at the market.

* I ordered and custom-designed rainbow cake with dark chocolate ice-cream! When I went to pick it up with my family, the lady at the store said it was the best ever rainbow ice-cream cake she’s seen! Aww… :.)

* Doggie / goodie bags individually designed for my friends and plus-two who couldn’t make it! I was SO caught up in it, I forgot to take pictures! I randomly filled the bags with a plethora of vintage finds, artwork, home-made cookies from a local bakery, Penang maps and tour guides, dried flowers, seashells, stamped envelops, love-wishes and tore up pop-art ads from magazines.

So much more to talk about! But I guess pictures speak louder than words. So, enjoy!

Have a happy, fun day!



As usual, it’s been a while. Reading Orwell’s Burmese Days has been a joy, and tomorrow, I’ll head to a little school to meet a few Burmese children, who I haven’t meet in a while. I miss typing my thoughts down, tracing words on paper as if I was born with a pen in my mouth. There are so many thoughts, so many emotions running up and down that when the clowned head falls onto the bed after midnight, all that strings through is “I cannot sleep”.

Sometimes you’re tired of the same old, same old. Sometimes you miss the good times. All I know is that, there are beautiful, more beautiful things to come in life.

This time around, it’s to deal with games that people play. They can be unfair when you’re being honest, and brutally honest only when it’s too late. But then again, time is a concept, a creation and to an extend, this will go on and on. At the end of the day, it’s always wise to forgive, always wise to wake up in the morning, and to know that, you have a choice to be kind to yourself today.